Tinder is not a new thing.  It’s been around for a few years.  A lot of people still don’t know about it, because those of us who have used it are NOT going to go around telling everyone to check it out.  

Of all the dating sites you could join, I would venture to say that Tinder is the most superficial, which is partially why it is so much fun.  Here’s how it works:

First, you download the free app on your phone and set up a profile.  Your profile will consist of a few photographs, your first name/user name, your age, and a quick little bio about yourself.  The app will pull your stuff from your Facebook profile, but you have the ability to edit everything before sending it out to the world.  I have compiled a list of dos and don’ts for setting up your profile:

·    DO- Use recent photographs of yourself.  If your pictures are you in your high school football uniform, you at your high school prom, your senior portrait, and a random internet meme, we will assume (fairly) that you peaked in high school.

·    DO- Smile!  Show your teeth!  Smiling without showing your teeth signals a lack of confidence.  It also signals that your grill is busted, or that you might have a problem with meth.  Meth mouth is not sexy.

·    D0- Use actual pictures of yourself.  If your profile contains no photos, or photos of random stuff and not you, that’s not cool.  When I see a profile with no pictures of the user, I assume that he is either A-married, B- has meth mouth, or C- doesn’t want to own the fact that he is, in fact, using the most superficial dating site ever created.  I’m not cool with any of that.

·    Do- Write something about yourself!  You get a whole paragraph to tell me who you are.  If your profile is blank, I don’t care if you look like Arc Angel Michael- it’s not happening.  Be creative here.  Do you have any hobbies?  What do you do for fun?  What are you looking for in a potential mate?  What’s important to you?  How good is your grammar and spelling?  These are all important things that girls like me need to know.

·    Do- Keep it positive!  Make a list of things you like- not a list of things you want to avoid.  I can’t tell you how many profiles I have read go something like, “No drama, No games, No smokers, No moms, No fat chicks… this is not sexy, guys.

·    Do NOT- Post five pictures of yourself with dead things that you have killed.  I don’t understand these testosterone induced killing sprees.  If I was looking for a knuckle dragger, I would just go hang out at the Affliction store.  I’m looking for an intelligent date here, not a ruthless killing machine.

·    Do NOT- Post  your motherfucking wedding photos.  I’m sure you looked good in that tuxedo… but damn.  Nothing screams “disrespectful douche bag” like putting your wedding pictures on a dating site.

·    Do NOT- Use text speech to create your profile.  I h8 when ppl r 2 lazy 2 b smrt.

·    Do NOT- Use big general statements like “Just a good guy, looking for a good girl…”  WTF does that even mean?  Try harder.

·    Do NOT- Post a bunch of pictures of your kids.  I’m a proud parent too.  I just don’t feel like my kids belong on a dating site.  I’m glad you’re a proud daddy… but let’s focus on you for a minute, mmk?

·    Do NOT- Post 5 pictures of your toys.  I personally don’t care what kind of car you drive, or if you have a motorcycle or whatever.  (Please, just show me your teeth… are they all there?)

·    Do NOT- Post 5 group pictures so we can’t tell which one is you.  This is not a game of where’s Waldo, and I’ll be really sad if I thought you were your hot friend this whole time.

Once your profile is all polished, you’ve chosen 5 appropriate photographs, and written a little something about yourself, you are ready to play!  You set up if you’re looking for men, women, or both, an age range that interests you, and how far away you would like to look.  Tinder will then give you a pile of potential matches to flip through.  This is where the fun begins!  

Click on the photo to see the person’s profile.  You can scroll through the pictures they have used, keeping in mind that they are putting their best foot forward.  You can read the carefully written bio they have prepared for you.  If you like what you see, swipe right to “like” that person.  If not, swipe left.  

The ones you swipe left on may pop up again.  You can just keep swiping left on them.  

If you swipe right, and that person swipes right on you too, you are a match.  The app will notify you that you have a match.  At that point you can use the chat feature to talk to each other.  You can only chat with matches, and thankfully, you can unmatch yourself if you want to.

So that’s it-that’s the way Tinder is supposed to work.  I have had some very fun Tinder dates, and even a couple short Tinder romances.  But, there is an even more fun way to use this app.  If you’re not doing this- you are simply not living your best life.

The secret to getting the most out of Tinder is this.  When you run across an especially hilarious profile picture, screen shot it, caption it, and send it to your bestie.  

Warning- this is addictive and can cost you hours of productivity at work.  It will also test your bladder control at a level I’ve not experienced with any other dating site.  

Please enjoy my gallery below of some of our all time favorite Tinder profiles.

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