An indescribable sensation consumes my days. It’s something like being trapped between duty and desire. The demands of logic and prudence shouting over the pretty whisper of my gypsy heart.
I’ve become conflicted. Completely certain, and also utterly unclear what it means to be alive, what it is to live. Dissonance rings between utility and divine purpose. It is a crisis of identity. A crisis of will. A crisis that threatens the very breath from my soul.
I’ve grown restless. Held in the mire of responsibility while longing for the frivolity of my dreams. Playing house in a tiny corner of the territory of my citizenship. My greatest fear, that my caged wings will perish before I am permitted to fly.
I’m breaking open. Pulled apart by the opposite forces that rule me. Of heart of head I can choose neither. Love or money may call to me, but my ears await the voice of freedom. I belong to no man, no country. I was born of the sky.
Photo: Wiki Commons
July 17, 2017 at 2:46 pm
Omg yes someone who understands! I love this ❤️
I have felt this for so long. It’s like I’m riding this edge that feels so alive but I’m trapped between duty and freedom. I can only get a glimpse of that alive feeling then I’m pulled back by fear of everything. I can’t bare it sometimes. It’s torture but I feel so dead inside otherwise. Feels like my life is slipping away. I have to answer the call to freedom but how, I can’t handle this edge. It keeps me restless. I can’t handle the fear, all the questions I can’t answer about the unknown. I can’t resist it, a force is pulling me. My soul is screaming. I try but I can’t any longer. I don’t want to. How can I? I know it’s where my life, my soul and freedom will find me. The pain and fear of not having it is outweighjng the fear of riding that edge.
I know I’m about to break through. I have to! I freaking have to!
Thank you 🙌🏻
PS Can I copy and share this?
July 19, 2017 at 8:49 pm
It’s the strangest feeling. And yet, were not alone with it. Thanks so much for reaching out. I sure hope your breakthrough brings you peace and joy! Yes- feel free to share! Thanks for reading!